Friday, May 30, 2008


“What kind of archaeologist is Indiana Jones that he goes into an old temple or mausoleum and just picks up bones and messes with stuff?”

“Your bottom half must be awfully soggy by now.”

“Minnesota is like a church basement with a leaky popcorn ceiling and a bingo caller who’s afraid to amp things up past a whisper.”

“I swear I once had a doll named Cricket who wore longer skirts than the ones in this store.”

Exchanges:

A: “‘Librarian’ is probably one of the hardest words to spell.”
B: “Heh heh.”
A: “No, I’m serious. I always get it wrong.”
B: “You’re kidding, right? TELL ME YOU’RE KIDDING.”
A: “No, really. It’s a hard word.”
B: “Um, we can’t be friends anymore, Eddie.” [he gave up his right to anonymity with that little number]

A: “I had a dream last night that I accidentally shaved off half of my left eyebrow.”
B: “Have to ask—how do you accidentally shave off an eyebrow?”
A: “I was shaving my forehead.”
B: “Well then you were asking for trouble.”

A: “Are you having a fambly bbq today?”
B: “No way!”
A: “Maybe you want to bbq your family instead?”
B: “That would solve some issues! Though it will have to be done after I get my crystal.”

A: “How’s my mint mojito?”
B: “It’s yum.”
A: “I was referring to you.”
B: “I’m yum too.”

A: “How was your day?”
B: “Wonderful. How was yours?”
A: “I had to tell a patron to pull up his pants because I could see his bare ass.”

Friday, May 23, 2008


“Hmmm. I could use a drink. Give me one non-boring reason it should be with you.”

“I’m gonna get me some sparkle lotion for when I’m in Hawaii so I can be like Edward Cullen. Whee! I’m a vampire!”

“Do you have to wear a helmet to ride the short bus?”

“That prince had better rub my shoulders when all is said and done.”

“Do I like it?”

“You can live in New Orleans Square and I'll take Sleeping Beauty's castle.”

“I wish you came in travel size so I could take you with and pull you out of my bag every once in awhile and shove you back in when I was through.”

Exchanges:

A: “My jr high PE teacher is here! Ha! My old nurse too! Do you know how long it has been since I was in jr high?”
B: “Yeah. I’m surprised they are still alive.”
A: “Slutt!”

A: “Oh. Em. Gee!”
B: “You do realize that that typing that phonetically requires the same amount of effort it takes to write ‘oh my god’, right?”

Friday, May 16, 2008


“Dark Brew thinks she looks cute again today. Her shoes make me want to vomit.”

“I bet your picture brought all the boys like an ice cream truck.”

“You are my coefficient of friction.”

“It seems that whenever I turn my chat on, I get bombarded with chat boxes from guys in Texas who can't spell ‘librarian,’ 20-year-olds looking for a sugar-mama (or just a mama?), British missionaries in Tanzania trying to convert Africans and chicks on dating sites, or gay guys from LA looking for a hag. So I just keep it off.”

“Hooker shoes are okay. Cheap ones are not. And cheap hookers are DEFINITELY not okay.”

“Do they sense it, these dead writers, when their books are read? Does a pinprick of light appear in their darkness? Is their soul stirred by the feather touch of another mind reading theirs? I do hope so. For it must be very lonely being dead.”

Exchanges:

Text message: “How can I pull of seeing you again before I leave?”
Response: “Except for the glaring typo, what a sweet message!”

Text message: “I chatted for an hour with a Brit who was trying to convince me that god exists.”
Response: “What if god were among us? (i.e. me)”

A: “One of the regulars had a seizure. Happens a lot. I was trying not to laugh, because I see the fire house from my desk and to watch them tear up the half block was rather comical.”
B: “Oh how awful. Is the person okay? Did you shove a book in his or her mouth?”

A: “If you could recommend any book to me, what would it be?”
B: “The Man Who Walked Between the Towers because
1) it's sweet
2) it's really good
and 3) it's a picture book, so you could handle it.”

A: “how about . . . after Europe, assuming you haven't already been whisped away by a rich intelligent nobel peace prize male online yet....or that I'm not seduced by that french maid in Paris.”
B: “Sleep well and have a safe trip! Bring me back a French maid.”
A: “Maybe I will return to find a librarian dressed as a French maid.”

Friday, May 9, 2008


“No worries Gina! You get a free pass this time! :P We can get together whenever. You know I'm easy. Like a slut.”

“Is that librarian-ish or rational?”

“...I love it when you are typing fast and hitting send without proofing. Here are the latest Faythisms:
‘It seems also too easy!’
‘Oh Les. When will her learn to keep the distain for the patrons in check.’
HAHAHAHA. I know I'm a bitch and you know I love you. :)”

“Why would you name a cleaning product 'rug stick?' Sounds like a new line of vibrators.”

“Can you imagine if Dark Brew expanded her horizons by, I don't know, taking a trip to Bakersfield?”

“I thought two librarian would know. I guess two heads not better than one! You don’t know analogy!”

“You like my name...that's cool. I only have one thing to say about yours--it's the same as Skeeze's! HAHA! . . . So this means: no tupperware, no foot fetishes, no plastic jewels, and you can't turn out to be a kook. Promise?”

Friday, May 2, 2008


[voicemail message]: “Where are you? You’d better be dead on the side of the road, or I’m going to kill you!”

“Let’s just plan on one drink. That way we can ditch out early in case I end up being 300lbs and you end up having a hump.”

“It's cause you're oozin the sesssy. that's right! triple s.”

“Dr. S____ sounds like a porn name. Wicked!”

“RHODA! I swear to fucking GOD if you don’t stop that I’m going to kill you. Then you’ll be sad! Or dead!”

“Dark brew just called herself a librarian and insinuated that we had the same intelligence. I almost threw up on her.”

“Is it a coincidence that his name is Dave and he is begging to be beaten? I see a connection to our dear friend David Pee Pee.”

[to self]: “Hmm. My deodorant scent is supposed to be ‘fresh and light.’ Smells like bubblegum.”

“L____ is trying to be quiet while I study. I just heard her whisper to herself ‘a gay boy wished for a planet full of unicorns...’”

“I don’t like to think of myself as extraordinary. Maybe oriGINAl or imaGINAtive. :)”

Exchanges:

A: “I’m ordering books with these descriptions:
‘…trouble follows [Faythe] as murdered toms begin turning up in the Pride's territory, killings that could be linked to a series of disappearances of human women.’
AND
‘…Then Sang's best friend, Gina, suddenly stops speaking to her. Is Gina bulimic?’
Haha!”
B: “I’m a hooker?? Sweet!”
A: “And I’m bulimic! Hallelejuh!”
B: “We should totally be superheros with our new abilities.”
A: “You could pose as a streetwalker while I secretly puked on people. I'm not sure who'd we be saving, but sounds like fun!”
B: “At the very least, frat boys would buy us drinks.”

She: “Please don’t ask me to blow a spit bubble.”
He: “Wait! I can do it too.” [working his tongue]
She: “Really? I’ve never known anyone else who could do that! Can you blow big fat ones?”
 
Quotes of the Week Recording Your Words since 2007 @dollgina