“I may be dating myself (a turn of phrase that now hits my ears as a euphemism for masturbation), but back in the early eighties, no women’s health center was complete without the ceiling poster of a ring of redwood trees shot from below. So ubiquitous was this image that I cannot, to this day, look at a redwood and not feel as though I should scoot down a little lower and relax.”
“Gimme a break! What grown man has blond hair?”
“I’m sure there won’t be anything else until tomorrow, when, through gritted teeth, he invites everyone to enjoy the miracle of his latest basket handcrafted from hairballs and human skin.”
“Btw, see if you can find some Sunday church hats somewhere in your house. If not, then maybe you can assign some of the library volunteers to create some out of papier-mâché or something like that. I’m sure they love arts and crafts. I’ll bring the tea…”
“So is there Wizard of Oz porn? There should be!”
“Stay near the oven / don’t answer the door, unless / it’s a cute fireman.”
“I'm no fan of ‘By the honor of Grayskull!’ either. Not so subtle paternalism, if you ask me. Adam/He-Man gets to bellow out the very action-oriented ‘By the power of Grayskull!’ while Adora/She-Ra is essentially saying ‘Don't worry, Mom and Dad, I'm a respectable girl and would NEVER have tawdry recreational sex with Fisto in the backseat of his hovercraft.’”
Exchanges:
A: “Didn’t you like getting manicures?”
B: “You wouldn’t let me get the color I wanted!”
A: “Black is not a color.”
B: “Tell that to black people.”
A: “I don’t know any!”
A: “Oooooh, the web site looks awesome!”
B: “Well, I know that Good Design + Interesting/Entertaining Content = Gina.”
“Gimme a break! What grown man has blond hair?”
“I’m sure there won’t be anything else until tomorrow, when, through gritted teeth, he invites everyone to enjoy the miracle of his latest basket handcrafted from hairballs and human skin.”
“Btw, see if you can find some Sunday church hats somewhere in your house. If not, then maybe you can assign some of the library volunteers to create some out of papier-mâché or something like that. I’m sure they love arts and crafts. I’ll bring the tea…”
“So is there Wizard of Oz porn? There should be!”
“Stay near the oven / don’t answer the door, unless / it’s a cute fireman.”
“I'm no fan of ‘By the honor of Grayskull!’ either. Not so subtle paternalism, if you ask me. Adam/He-Man gets to bellow out the very action-oriented ‘By the power of Grayskull!’ while Adora/She-Ra is essentially saying ‘Don't worry, Mom and Dad, I'm a respectable girl and would NEVER have tawdry recreational sex with Fisto in the backseat of his hovercraft.’”
Exchanges:
A: “Didn’t you like getting manicures?”
B: “You wouldn’t let me get the color I wanted!”
A: “Black is not a color.”
B: “Tell that to black people.”
A: “I don’t know any!”
A: “Oooooh, the web site looks awesome!”
B: “Well, I know that Good Design + Interesting/Entertaining Content = Gina.”
A: “We're not talking about web pages anymore, are we? :)”
A: “Don’t make me come over there with a stalk of broccoli!”
B: “It would be really funny to find you at my door shaking a stalk of broccoli with a stern face.”
A: “Do you like dinner?”
B: “Huh?”
A: “I mean, do you eat dinner?”
B: “I have been known to eat dinner, yes.”
A: “Me too! We should have dinner together.”
B: “I don’t think so.”
A: “Tell you what, why don’t you think about it, weigh the pros and cons and I’ll be in touch.”
B: “Tell you what, why don’t you touch yourself, and I’ll eat alone.”
NEW! Haiku of the week:
she has a journey
she will take the one she wants
swayed not by small words.
by Faythe A.
A: “Don’t make me come over there with a stalk of broccoli!”
B: “It would be really funny to find you at my door shaking a stalk of broccoli with a stern face.”
A: “Do you like dinner?”
B: “Huh?”
A: “I mean, do you eat dinner?”
B: “I have been known to eat dinner, yes.”
A: “Me too! We should have dinner together.”
B: “I don’t think so.”
A: “Tell you what, why don’t you think about it, weigh the pros and cons and I’ll be in touch.”
B: “Tell you what, why don’t you touch yourself, and I’ll eat alone.”
NEW! Haiku of the week:
she has a journey
she will take the one she wants
swayed not by small words.
by Faythe A.