Friday, September 25, 2008


“You ever meet a guy that you can't tell if he's hideous or gorgeous, because his features are so striking and you're oddly attracted to him even though you're not sure if he's hideous? Yeah, he's not one of them.”

“love your new one. this is gonna be tough for @grrb's dentist.”

“Maybe we should crash someone else's class reunion and bring Edgar and Escalante to wreak havoc on the punch bowl. We could pick a place in Louisiana and confuse them with our Midwestern accents. Or maybe Jersey.”

“It’s rats and golden showers every night on Twitter. Welcome to our world.”

“Damn whore-moans.”

“fyi: since I took tweets off of sms I don't really get dms in a timely manner. I get them email but I only check that 10 times a day.”

Exchanges:

A: “Ha! Funny funny Pfeiffer! I ran into Mr. Pfeiffer the other day. I knew who it was immediately. I asked if he remembered me he said...Gina? I said no but we were friends. Then he remembered me and said. ‘You were friends with Gina! Gina! Tell Gina hi!!!’”
B: “Oh my gosh! How funny! Is he still with Hans Weiman? Do you remember when you yanked on his hair to see if it was real? Hahaha!”

A: “I'm doing fine! How are you?”
B: “Still awake. Running aarons.”

Haiku of the week:

v good or V good?
the prize; you delivered with
a little pussy.

by Connie U.

Friday, September 19, 2008


“Look at all this hair! It’s floating up like a helium balloon! Stubby, if you weren’t so fat, you’d float.”

“Oh yay! Sister wifery is icing on my yummy cake.”

“I love that your eyes are so far apart.”

“Maybe in lieu of flowers, he will get you a membership to the NRA. Ha!”

“I had a really weird dream that involved being on an airplane to hopefully escape the end of the world. And there was a casserole situation.”

“People would have assumed that he was either rich or had a huge cock for landing you because those are the only two explanations people could deal with.”

“I don't think I want to see Another Gay Sequel, remember how wrong the butt plugs were in first?”

“What does a butter knife look like? (couldn't any knife spread butter?)”

“No! Don't let the olives defeat you, Gina!”

Exchange:

A: “Most religions were created by men.”
B: “Yeah, that sucks! We need a good matriarchy.”
A: “Yeah, like an Amazon one, where the women chain the men up and have sex with them.”
B: “Why sex?”
A: “Because that’s my fantasy.”

Haiku of the week:

If only you died
Then I wouldn’t have to read
Your stupid comments.

by Faythe A.

*Why not start your own version of Quotes of the Week? Judith and Silly Swedish Skier did! And don't miss Faythe's This Week in Twitterings and The Beautiful Kind's Quote of the Day (Perv Style).

Friday, September 12, 2008


“Listening to Dr. Horrible in order to get ideas for 5-year plan.”

“Women seem to become bored with me after about 6-7 weeks. It’s weird because that’s about how long it takes to get to know someone….”

“Jerk asked me to use my feminine wiles to score him a donut from the tech guys. I did. Then I ate it.”

“You have a fat nose and lots of frinkles.”

“HELEN SIGHTING: Pulling into the parking lot I see dear Helen in the middle of a rain storm, her umbrella has blown inside out, and she struggles to hold onto it along with her massive lunchbox and purse, swaying in the wind. I laugh at the sight. Once inside, she admits that she got the umbrella only when it blew out of stranger’s hand in another storm, and she stole it.”

“‘Gina thinks that nothing's hotter than a man with a library card in his wallet.’ Ok, my library card gives me access to the library even before patrons can come in. By those standards, I should be sexual chocolate.”

“You can always tell the straight people by their khaki pants.”

“It's sweet of you to rescue dolls, doll.”

“Since I am now entranced by Jim's haircut on The Office, I am in no rush to read about that bitch Bella.”

“Gustav this week, Ike next week. (These are not men I have slept with, they are hurricane names.)”

Exchanges:

A: “Good ‘V’ words: vulgar, vagrant, voluptuous, voodoo, venerable, valentine. Bad: viscous, vagina, vroom, Volvo, vacuous, vat.”
B: “How is ‘vagina’ a bad word?”
A: “Just the way it rolls off the tongue (no pun intended).”

A: “By the way, FUCK iTUNES. That little bitch is pissing me off. I've downloaded the update FOUR times and it still won't work.”
B: “Electronics hate you at this point.”
A: “That reminds me. I wanna get a Hitachi Magic Wand. Oh, who am I kidding? It'll prolly electrocute my vagina.”

Haiku of the week:

If I could I would
Get you a man with side burns
he'd cook your veggies.

by Karin M.

Friday, September 5, 2008


“Are sea monkeys born pregnant?”

“Merriam-Webster Online’s preferred pronunciation is CLIT-oris. If you click on the little speaker icon, you can hear a nice lady saying ‘CLIT-oris’ out loud for you, over and over, as many times as you click. The nice lady will also say ‘cervix’ and ‘nipple,’ but it’s the nice man who gets to say ‘vagina,’ ‘vulva,’ and ‘orgasm,’ plus all the male genital words. Smelling sexism, I entered ‘housewife,’ which was read aloud by the woman, as was ‘maid,’ ‘stewardess,’ and ‘flower.’ However, it is also the woman who pronounces ‘linebacker,’ ‘doctor,’ ‘president,’ and ‘fireman.’ So never mind. Can you say ‘waste of half an hour?’”

“This is MUCH more exciting than finishing this copyright notice poster for the copier. Now I just want to decorate it with flowers and frogs...”

“By the way, I have a Daddy Dom now. And fucking virgins is my newest hobby.”

“That takes laziness to a whole new level.”

Exchanges:

A: “Do you feel carried?”
B: “It is how I'm standing here today. How I'm letting my children walk away from me...How I can go to church...How I can go into crowds...love and prayers..support from our community--Carried is an understatement.”

A: “I think I have neurosyphilis like Al Capone.”
B: “Mom, you've only had one sex partner your entire life.”
A: “Well yes, it's a delicate subject and I hesitate to approach your father about it. But my pupils are two different sizes and I can't walk straight. Would you take me to the disease clinic?”
B: “Mom, I really don't think you have an STI.”
A: “STI?”
B: “Sexually Transmitted Infection. That's what they're calling it these days.”
A: “I think I caught it when I visited Alcatraz last month. Back then, they just called it VD…”
B: “OK Mom.”
A: “You're going to put this on your internet, aren't you?”

Haiku of the week:

Eloquence fails me
Because you’re so fucking cute
That I’ve got to cuss.

by Seth W.
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