“Haiku on traveling:
It's way too early
Not able to close suitcase
Good Grief, Charlie Brown!”
“If you don't like change, you're going to like irrelevance even less.”
“Having a great time at Internet Librarian in Monterey. 'Cept there are a lot more cardigans here than I expected. Shit. I'm wearing one too.”
“Trent Rezn0r and Martha St3wart broke up because she refused to move in with him. She's a woman of independent means and he turned out to be a big baby. Now she's sleeping with the Dodgers. Not all at the same time, mind you--one a night. (I think). Sometimes they met in Omaha for a quickie. Of course, Martha once tweeted that it's always a quickie when it comes to Trent.”
“Fields of flowers or diseased flesh? You decide!”
“I wanna see your popcorn poodle. That sounds like some fucked up dirty thing. But you know what I mean.”
“Wait, Liesure Curl did THAT? I need to get me some!”
“It's like two ugly stories had sex with each other and had one ridiculous child.”
“But I shall think of you, my sister wipes! And of Tyra, the asexual bot I so love.”
“Afraid to ask my 14 year old taxi driver to turn down heat cuz I need him to concentrate on driving.”
Exchange:
A: “Pissed that I missed the porn presentation!”
B: “There will be another one tonight after the conference.”