Six-year-old: "Why isn't there a window on my body?"
“Sometimes I forget the awesomeness that is Tremors. They're under the ground!”
“It's dawning on me that I'll never own pants made of stuffed animals like Flea had in that RHCP video.”
“My daughter informed me that the prince liked Cinderella only because she was wearing pretty clothes, and that is NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON. I spared her the whole foot fetish theory.”
“Life is a sexually transmitted terminal condition.”
Message from A: “Reiki says this will be fine.”
B: “Huh? Who the hell is Reiki? Must be our new Asian sister wife.”
C: “What the hell are you talking about?”
B: “Oh, forget it, you wouldn’t understand the magic that is pretend polygamy.”
A: “A Priscilla Baker is what u have after a Brazilian.”
B: “I think we can all agree that X has never had a Priscilla Baker. In fact, she prolly haz cobwebs.”
Status: “Judith is feeling very Martha Stewart-y: after making a chicken pot pie I used the remaining phyllo for apple-cranberry pecan turnovers.
B: “You are pervy for feeling up Martha Stewart, what with the house donkeys and all.”
B: “I prefer ankle-bearing librarians.”
A: “That's the conference I'm in!!”
B: “Send me the accompanying calendar, plzKthx”
Email of the week:
“Hey Dude, You’re really cool!
Keep up the good work.
PS. Suicide death 9/11 murder”