"Looking forward to reading a YA book in which the male love interest isn't a total douchebag/pussy/asshat."
"Stucco sounds like the name of a clown who masturbates in front of children."
"I can never remember whether or not I'm supposed to mess with Texas."
"English muffins sure throw the word "muffin" around like it's no big deal."
"Jesus CHRIST. I just misread Stephen King's title 'Full Dark, No Stars' as 'Fuck Me Hard.' God, I'm a perv."
"Nice tits have the greatest personality."
"Ah fuck it, I'm going to take a bite of this candle."